Practical Help

For

Multiple Birth Families

Practical everyday help and advice in late pregnancy
and
The first few months at home with a multiple birth

Written by... Tove Edens ...www.eversotiny.ca
a mom of fraternal twins born a year after a singleton

Please note:
****** This advice is from one parent of a multiple birth to other parent or parents-to-be of a multiple birth. I have no intentions of promoting myself as a professional in any field other than being a parent of 3 beautiful children and over the past 20+ years listening to and helping many, many new multiple birth parents ****

ADVICE DURING PREGNANCY AND AFTER THE BIRTH OF YOUR BABIES

Advice: Many friends, relatives and professionals will have practical advice to give all new parents of a multiple birth. Some of these well meaning people will be parents of multiples, most though, will be parents of singletons or not parents at all, but guaranteed, all will be brimming with ideas for you and your family.

Everyone seems to know horror stories related to multiple birth pregnancies, deliveries and early years. Please talk to the doctor or health care professional who is following your pregnancy; he/she will be able to give the best advice. The medical field has gained a great deal of knowledge and experience over the last few years as the rate of multiple births increases.

Advice will come during your whole pregnancy and through the early years of your babies. Everyone seems to know exactly what it is like to be a parent of multiple births. Advice from other multiple birth parents is valuable; though remember every family's dynamics are completely unique.

Receive every piece of advice with a positive attitude; you never know if that advice may work one day. Tuck people's advice into your memory bank and pull it out the day where you are desperate for something new to try.

Use parental instincts: in other words, if it feels right, if it fits into your family's dynamics and the children are healthy and happy then do it without guilt.

Parent's natural instincts are also the best gauge for health and well-being of children. If you feel there may be a medical or developmental problem, keep pursuing until a professional acknowledges your feelings. A parent is often the best gauge of a child's health and development.

HEALTH CARE ONCE THE BABIES ARE BORN

Health Care for your infants: Prepare yourself for after the birth of your babies, do your homework.... which doctor will be following the health care of your babies, is it the family doctor or a Pediatrician? Talk it over with your spouse then consult with this doctor and set up a tentative schedule for infant visits. Unless the infants have special health care problems, a family doctor is usually faster and easier to get appointments with. An ideal solution is a family doctor associated with a community health care clinic, a clinic will usually have walk in doctors available. Walk-in clinics will be a lot faster than waiting in the emergency room of a hospital in the evenings or weekends.

Health care visits can become an unpleasant affair unless you prepare yourself. After the babies come home you will discover what time of day the babies are in the best mood - take the opportunity to schedule medical visits during this time.

As a new parent you may have many questions but they will usually remain unasked once the babies start crying in stereo. Before leaving home, make a written list of questions and concerns you want to ask to doctor. The list of questions can be given to the doctor while the babies are entertaining the whole clinic with their vocals. There is nothing more frustrating to come home after a doctor's visit to realize only half of your concerns and questions were addressed

Try to take someone with you to help pacify the babies. If this is not possible and if room allows, bring the twin stroller right into the consultation room. This allows you and the doctor to focus on the care of 1 child at the time while the other is safely strapped into the seat of the stroller.

           

OFFER OF HELP DURING PREGNANCY

Many people will offer help during the pregnancy, be prepared to accept an organized amount of help. Make a list and schedule of practical things you would like help with or have done for you, this could include:

Needs of help will vary with mom's pregnancy and condition. Some moms will require bed rest while others are able to be up and about the whole day. Be assured, in either case, a mom carrying multiples can and will get very tired, a helping hand is often great.

OFFER OF HELP AFTER THE BIRTH

This seems to be the time when most people offer to help. Having a job list prepared ahead of time and adding to the list as necessity dictates seems to work for most new multiple birth parents. The list is usually quite similar to the one above, it can also include doing the dishes that have piled up the last few days, vacuuming the house and helping with a load of laundry.

Relatives and well meaning friends may have expectations that caring of the babies is their job. Prepare and plan ahead to avoid what could potentially be sensitive issues. As a couple, discuss what each of your roles will be, ie: if dad likes the idea of hands on involvement with the babies, he should be allowed to do so.

If mom is breastfeeding let it be the priority during the early weeks while the babies will need feeding every few hours. Mom should do little else but breastfeed the babies and sleeping when the babies are sleeping those first few weeks. Dad's job can be bathing the babies in the evening while mom relaxes and has time for a full cup of tea & enjoying it while still hot. Dad bathing the babies in the evening gives him the intimate skin to skin contact mom enjoys while breastfeeding. This became a wonderful routine in our home until the children became old enough to take care of their own hygiene. Remember, babies do not need to be bathed in the morning.

The jobs of friends and relatives jobs can be to take care of everything else, all the other jobs that constantly needs doing in a household with children, see list described earlier. Remember, you are the new parents of multiples and therefore have the right to choose how and what you would like to do. One grandmother has told me she helps by doing the housekeeping and gets paid by getting "rocking time" with the babies.

THE BABY BOOKS AND JOURNALING

Life can be very full when a family has a multiple birth. Babies' memory books and other well intended journals may fall to the wayside of just staying above daily issues. Don't despair -

Take a shortcut and make that proper baby journal when the children are 20 years (or older).

The shortcut is simply calendars, one for each baby. This calendar could be "baby's first year" calendars or simply a nice looking calendar with enough room to make daily short notes. Hang these calendars side-by-side in a very prominent location, for example, next to the main phone in the house. Tie a pen in place.

Document any and all events on the calendars for each child, for example, each doctor's visit and reasons, including new weights and heights. Document visitors and what they brought as gifts. Make sure you document developmental milestones (rolling over, sitting up etc), problems, illnesses, first words and any other items that could be fun and/or important to remember. Just using brief words in each square is enough to jog your memory if one day you would like to write a novel about your babies' first years.

A CAMERA IS A NEW PARENT'S BEST FRIEND

A digital camera with auto focus and a date stamp and placed at the central point in the house is a valuable tool. Instantly various milestones can be documented. Auto focus is by far easier to use, it requires just a push of a button to capture the image. Digital cameras are wonderful. Remember to print the best copies of digital pictures for "show and tell" and for the future baby books.

The camera, partnered with the calendars can become a valuable social and development tool.

Have your "Brag Book" handy all the time, be prepared to show and tell wherever you are - people are fascinated when they hear the word "twins" or "triplets". Your Brag Book should consist of no more than 10 photos, at least 2 of these photos should be reasonably current ones.

A hint for showing the physical growth of the children in photos: start at birth by placing them next to a fixed size object ie: a nice teddy bear. Regularly take photos of the children posed beside this same teddy bear. As the children grow, the teddy bear will seem to be getting smaller. Keep the teddy bear as a souvenir for size. The older child will love to see how small he/she was as a newborn baby.

Take pictures of the parent's hand and the baby's hand together at birth, just a close-up of the 2 hands. Take a picture of a parent's wedding band in the palm of the baby's hand, or if preemie, as a bracelet or arm band. This too, shows the baby's size and is something people can relate to.

Please remember digital photo technology on a home computer needs to be backed up in case of a computer virus or a major crash that could wipe the computer’s memory clean. It is also important to keep up with changing technology in computers. The current technology will likely be outdated in a few years so to access your photos, keep moving them on to new technology - - or to print them all.

THERE WILL BE LOTS OF GIFTS

Well meaning friends and relatives will bring "twin" gifts. It is adorable to see twins in identical outfits, and it looks great in photographs, but it is very impractical in everyday life. Just think that every time one baby needs a change of clothing, you would have to change both - this truly causes double work and double laundry.

Practical friends and relatives will ask ahead of time what you would like. Once again refer to a list you could be composing during or after your pregnancy as the need arises. Remember, this list constantly changes as the babies' needs change.

A gift registry is a great idea; many stores offer gift registries for expecting parents. I have heard many times that the expectant dad loves to "shop" for the registry.

You could also ask for diapers (specify size), ready-made meals, a hand with the older children, a friendly visit (please bring a snack) or an evening of babysitting so the new mom and dad can get an hour or two together. Friends will also be thrilled to help sort and organize pictures, and there will be many wonderful pictures.

A MOUNTAIN OF LAUNDRY

Dirty clothing will instantly be piling up from all members of the family. Organize yourself and think about the practicality of how to tackle the laundry situation.

A practical solution to short cutting laundry is to purchase identical laundry baskets (so when empty they can stack). Have one laundry basket per member of the family. Use a permanent marker to print a family member's name on the inside edge of each basket. Children's baskets can also be decorated with stickers so the toddler can recognize his/her own basket.

Once the laundry is clean and dry, fold the laundry into each member's basket and place into his or her rooms. Each family member will then know exactly where his or her clean clothes are.

You can save time with the babies' laundry by not putting it away in cupboard or drawers. Leave the clean laundry in their own basket next to the change table; the babies are in and out of their clothing so quickly.

Plan to do one load of laundry daily, this prevents a build-up and backlog of dirty laundry and unpleasant surprises as family members discover they're out of clean clothes.

Bed linens and other larger laundry needs can usually wait for the spouse's day off, or ask a friend to help changing sheets on all the beds.

FAMILY MEALS, DO THEY EXIST?

Regular meals can be a bit of a challenge for the best of us when there are new babies in the house. Remember, you, as a new parent, want to maintain good health and strength. Regular nutritious meals are essential to keep up your energy for the new 24/7 job of baby care, even more-so if mom is breastfeeding.

If you are a breast-feeding mom, please make sure you get plenty to drink. Babies need a lot of milk to grow and you need a lot of fluid to meet their needs

Snacking is ideal for the busy new multiple birth parent, just make sure it is healthy snacks - fruits and vegetables, a slice of cheese, a bowl of yogurt, a glass of milk. Much of this can be purchased pre-cut ready for snacking. At the end of the day, a bowl of healthy cereal hits the spot as you feel all energy drain from a busy day as a new multiple birth parents.

Be prepared to place gourmet dinners and entertaining on the back burner for a while - be practical and enjoy good nutrition. People will understand if you don't entertain the way you use to, and if they question the situation, invite them to come and stay for a day to join in the family fun.

Guests for meals can be especially taxing, ask guests to bring the dinner or perhaps share the cost of take-out.

A good friend told me how they had self-invited guests for dinner - the guests brought a meal for two, set the table with flowers, wine and candles, served the dinner for her and her husband then went and played with the babies while the exhausted parents had a home cooked meal without interruptions.

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BABY EQUIPMENT

A strange new world of wall-to-wall baby equipment is unfolding right before your eyes. Do you really need all that stuff? The best advice is to ask other parents of new multiples, ask them if they really needed and used all this equipment there seems to be on the market for babies. Remember, with a multiple birth, you usually will need one of the same piece of equipment for each of the babies. This will take up a lot of room in your house.

CRIBS X NUMBER OF BABIES?

In the beginning, there will be little need for one crib per baby; standard cribs are big enough to accommodate a number of babies when you lay babies sideways in the crib. New babies usually don't move a great deal when they are sleeping. Separate cribs are needed only when they start waking each other up.

New standard safety information for babies and cribs: do not use bumper pads or fluffy comforters. Avoid having pillows, toys and stuffed animals in the crib.

If you live in a two story house, consider having a sleeping area on both floors while the babies are small. This could be where you set up the second crib temporarily.

DOUBLE OR TRIPLE STROLLERS?

A good quality stroller designed for multiple babies is your lifeline to the outside world. Check the stroller for durability, stability and ease of maneuvering. Large wheels are usually easier to negotiate on rough terrain like snow and slush covered sidewalks, grassy parkland or rural roads.

As the babies grow, their combined weight can be a stress on the stroller so even a tiny pebble on the sidewalk can cause the stroller to come to a dead stop unless the wheels are large enough to glide over rough spots.

Check for secure baby harnesses in the stroller. It can be difficult to chase toddlers when they are running each their own way.

Good multiple birth strollers are expensive; a good quality twin stroller will usually cost more than 2 single strollers. Check with your local multiple birth organization for availability of used strollers or recommendations of where to purchase one. Keep in mind that multiple birth parents use their stroller much more and longer than parents of singletons. A good stroller is a sound investment.

A stroller in the house can be a lifesaver for fussy days and/or when the weather is uncooperative for walking outside. Most babies calm well with the movement of a stroller. Just place the babies in the stroller and roll it back and forth across the floor, put some music or a good movie on to entertain yourself while claming the babies

Try to fit the stroller into your car with the infant and/or child car seats are in place, you may have to consider joining the "larger car" club while your children are in both car seats and strollers.

CAR SEATS?

Car seats for your infants are mandatory. Please check local regulations for standards of car seats. Regulations are constantly changing. All new regulations are in place to prevent injuries to your children in case of a car collision. Be careful of used car seats.

TOYS?

People with good intentions will tell you that the children will have to share their toys - that there is no need to have 2 identical toys for 2 babies. These are the thoughts of non-multiple birth parents. Often the early years babies and toddlers will parallel play, therefore, to keep sanity in the home, get the same toy for each member of the multiple birth be it twins, triplets or more.

Please check toys for age appropriateness, watch for small or loose parts. The Canadian Toy Testing Council offers kid-tested toy recommendations for all ages of children.

MULTIPLE BIRTH GROUPS

As a final piece of advice, get involved with the local multiple births group. There you will find families in the same situations as yourself, and where better to get advice, to talk to someone who truly understands what you are going through. Many multiple birth groups will have swap sales, reading recommendations, "multiples" get-togethers and access to interesting and/or helpful practical information. There is also a National organization for parents of multiple births, they too can offer a great deal of information.

ENJOY

Please remember to enjoy these precious babies, you have been selected and now have the special status of being a multiple birth parent, a position reserved for only the best of parents.

Tove

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